Saturday, February 6, 2010

Reboot

reboot

A term that comes from computer usage. To reboot a computer is to start it up again after a computer crash. Hence, “reboot” has the connotation of starting a process over again.

The American Heritage® New Dictionary of Cultural Literacy, Third Edition

I think enough of Web 2.0 has gone into disrepair into the land of the forgotten that you'll forgive me that I haven't been on here in many months. It took the wisdom of a very good friend of mine for me to:
1) Appreciate the written word (especially my own).
2) Remember the importance of introspection.
I'm not going to lie, I really only like writing things down once I already have them all set in my head. This aspect of me also bleeds out into other areas of my life, sometimes to my chagrin. In other words, unless I'm sure that I approve of what the idea is, I'm usually not comfortable with sharing that idea with others.

I think at some point in the space below this entry, life became what it did. I figured out something. I can know what I need very well. Unfortunately, sometimes my mind is so disassociated with my heart (and my being) that when confronted with how I need to be transforming, I am content with stating verbally (and mentally) what I need to do, what I can bring up like a script at a press conference. Sometimes, it even convinces myself. But, when I come to places of normalcy in my life, where I'm not confronted with myself, I am able to say to myself, "tomorrow," and leave it there.

I read something very interesting in this period of blog-silence. It was referring to monasticism, and its effect on the monks themselves. Monks went to monasteries for many reasons, but one thing is fairly obvious, is that the usual temptations that the rest of the world is not that present in the monastery. Within the monastery, monks no longer face murder or adultery on a daily basis. Instead, they endure the very real presence of normalcy. Inside their sanitized environment, that which seems like a given becomes an obedient and life-giving act of worship.

At the beginning of the year, my church decided to begin to better define membership (it's a young church). They asked for people that were seriously dedicated to the church to take on a rule of life. This rule of life has three aspects: sex, money, and power. For over a month, I made careful observations and listening periods to try and figure out how God wanted me to take my vows in each of these areas. However, I came to realize that most of my problems exist because I almost always leave God out of the normal areas in my life, as if to say that I wish my ordinary not to become extraordinary.

God is slowly correcting what has been covered for far too long, recovering my desire, my feelings, my soul. I don't know where are a lot of things are going, which is comforting, as it means I'm not in control, and the world is much bigger than I.

-a member of all souls

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